When You Miss Who You Were

You may miss the body, energy, confidence, possibilities, or beautiful ignorance of an earlier version of yourself.

That longing is not vanity. Time takes things.

But nostalgia is an unreliable archivist. It preserves the photographs and misfiles the anxiety.

You remember being younger without always remembering how uncertain you felt while being young. You remember the open doors without the desperate need to know which one to choose.

Do not insult your younger self by pretending her life was effortless.

And do not insult your present self by reducing her to what time has removed.

You have capacities now that youth could not have given you: pattern recognition, proportion, a better sense of what deserves panic, and—if you have been paying attention—a shorter list of people you need to impress.

Miss what was beautiful.

Then notice what only became possible because you kept going.